I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize