Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like eating out sand paper
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
