Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
