i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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