he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
