I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
