you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
