ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
