I want to have your abortion
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
