Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
