Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
