You don't have asthma, your pregnant
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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