I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
