I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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