Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
