Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
