Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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