His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
