wanna go halves on a baby?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
