as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
