In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
