I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
3 2 1 whiskey
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
