i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
