Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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