I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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