Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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