you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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