I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
