So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
