I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
