I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
