For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
