i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
