So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
