So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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