Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
