Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
