Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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