I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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