new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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