A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
