I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
