and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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