Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
