Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
