I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
