From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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