I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
