so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
