I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
