he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
