At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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