you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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