1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she peed on how many people?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
