the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
