honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
