Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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