Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
