turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
