I wish you could order shots online.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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