Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
