toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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