just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize