i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
