The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
