i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
