I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
