I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
