Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
