My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
